You and Me
It doesn’t matter how far apart we might be.
I love you; my heart was yours a long time ago. For the keeping.
There might be bumps along the way, difficulties and tears and longings for it to get better. But it will never be anything we can’t handle.
It’s you and me. Always.
And no matter how long we have been apart, no matter what distance is between us; as soon as I see you again, as soon as your arms are around me and your lips are on mine and I am safe again, nothing will have changed.
Remember that.
Another beautiful favourite. I always wanted someone to love me this much…
I love this song. It was always so special to me, and still makes me cry…
A Doll’s House
I recently read the critically acclaimed play, ‘A Doll’s House’, by Henrik Ibsen, a play which I had not before been familiar with and only stumbled across on my University course. I am not always a huge fan of plays as purely a form of literature, as I prefer to see them performed as was intended when written, but I found this play surprisingly captivating and easy to follow as I read it. The main storyline follows the life of Nora Helmer, who initially followed the stereotypical 19th century housewife’s life, performing the roles of wife and mother as a lower citizen to her husband. It emerges that she once scandalously borrowed money in order to take her husband on a trip to save his life, and as the secret of this debt, which she has kept so carefully hidden from her husband by pretending to be frivolous and ditsy when really she has been scrimping and saving, even working, to pay it off, is threatened to be revealed, so too does her apparent happiness unravel. Ultimately she decides that she has never been content in the ‘doll’s house’ life that she has lead, first with her father, then with her husband, she leaves him and their children to seek her own path in life, longing for knowledge and identity.
The play was controversial from its first performance and remains so today, and I could write many lines on Nora Helmer and whether she was right or wrong, whether she was sane or hysterical, whether her decision helps feminist activists or leaves them in the lurch. What truly fascinated me, however, was this idea of living life only insofar as a doll ‘lives’ theirs; we may have the objects, the dramas, the little rooms where our daily actions unfold, but do we truly have any independence?
It seems to me that this world is full of pressures, subtle and obvious, strong and gentle, all pushing you in one direction or another. Much as a child will direct the lives of their dolls, choosing who they will like and dislike, where they will go, what they will say, how their lives will be spent, so many decisions just seem out of our hands. Society indoctrinates, one way or another, and we are left thinking that if we are to achieve, then we must take these exams, gain these qualifications, move slowly and arduously up the housing market, make x amount of money, marry by this age but not before this one and have children who you must raise according to the current accepted view point. It is all so unaccommodating, but, inexplicably, it works on most of us.
What if, though, we didn’t want that? Is there a possibility that we could turn the space around us from a plaything to a real life, lived to the full? Could we work only to spend all our money on a trip of a lifetime, or would that always be considered frivolous? Could we settle down with someone without ‘testing the waters’ first and not be told that we could be seriously missing out? Hell, could you even just rent or work on building your own home and escape all of that hassle altogether, or would that never be a proper way of doing things?
Looking forward at my life, I know that some things that society decrees I can accept. I actually do believe that I am fortunate to be gaining a University degree, and hopefully can find a career from there. But there are also a lot of things which I wish could be different. A lot of ways in which myself, just another doll, look beyond the windows of the doll’s house and hope for something more.
Maybe it’s not possible and conceding to the rat race is truly the only way to go. I would like to think, though, with all the idealistic threads that are left in my mind, that you could combine both the conventional and the abnormal. I could have that five day a week, nine-til-five job, but then go running off to a beach hut with my husband at the weekends, turn off our phones and escape for just a little bit. Maybe. I admire that much in Nora Helmer; at least she had the guts to do what she really wanted to, even if she would have been scorned, mocked, rejected for it.
Escape
Why can’t we just be? Be together, be you and I and not have to be apart?
It’s so lonely, being away from the better half of you. I don’t want it anymore.
I wish we could just escape this endless, trapping, shapeless existence which pulls you somewhere that you don’t even know you want to be.
When I just want you.
And if you have a minute, why don’t we go
Talk about it, somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know
I know all about the opportunity. But we could be somewhere beautiful. Just together. I know we could.
That’s why being apart is so hard.
The bed is very empty when I’m lying here alone.
I wish we could escape. Just this time. Please?
I know a place that we could go to
A place where no one knows you
They won’t know who we are
I know a place that we can run to
And do those things we want to
They won’t know who we are.
Let me take you there
I want to take you there
Rory: I never used to believe in anything except for the healing power of strong, sweet tea … But being with the Doctor, the wonders he’s shown us—it’s given me … faith … I can see why Amy kept waiting for him. Cos now I believe there are far greater things waiting in the universe than we can ever imagine.
Alaya: No. All that awaits you is death.
Rory: Then maybe I’ll find wonders beyond that, too.
Something about this quote really appeals to how I am feeling at the moment… Rory is the epitome of a sweet, loving husband, who doesn’t excel at anything in particular but despite that has become an incredibly important person in the lives of everyone he encounters. And here he is, talking about faith. Faith is such a strange little word; it’s connotations can be huge, but really it’s something that we encounter every day in our lives. We have faith in other people, the ones we love and the ones we rely on, we have faith in ourselves, that we can achieve what we want to in this life. Ostensibly, we should have faith in those who govern us, that they can make the right decisions. But faith in something more, something beyond, which is what this quote is alluding to… Now that is not something that is generally accepted in polite conversation anymore. It is, perhaps, just too personal. But to believe that there “are far greater things in this universe than we can ever imagine…” well, why not?
Return
So… I’m back.
It’s been a while since I have blogged; months, in fact. I didn’t need to, I was so busy and so surrounded by things to do. But now I find myself in a position once more where my life has changed, and as a result, I have things I want to talk about. Things I want to discuss. Words which I need to put down in writing in order to make proper sense.
So here I am.
To have someone who would answer questions with a simple, “because I love her…”…
I have that.
<3
One day, I would love to be the mother who has amazing artistic culinary skills and can make my children and their friends food that resembles the best of Disney…
Often I hear criticism that Disney does not portray an accurate view of the lives that little girls, who dream of castles and princes who fall wildly in love with them, will one day have. Such princes, these people argue, cannot be found in the modern man. Where would you see an example of the gruff, yet kind-hearted and ultimately selfless Beast, when we are told that men today are interested in their own pleasures and well-being first? Could you find a Prince Philip, a man who actually lives up to the one man that women invent and create in their minds as the perfect suitor? Would you ever meet a Prince Charming, who would pursue after only one night to fall wildly in love with you, or a Captain John Smith, who would not allow differences between you to prevent the love you both feel, or even a Prince Eric, who happily allows himself to be saved by the woman he loves?
And so on, and so forth. You can, I am sure, catch my drift.
But the predicament I find myself in today is that, unbelievably, despite all the odds, despite all the cynicism and unlikelihood, the little girl who I once was, who grew up desperately dreaming, hoping, wishing that her life would resemble something of the princesses whom she avidly watched, would turn into a young woman who has actually managed to fall in love with a man who has all the characteristics of a Disney prince - and who, amazingly, seems to love her back.
Surely this cannot be right. The hardened side of me, which has been forced to adapt to a more cruel world than that of Disney films, argues that surely this does not really exist. Cracks in the mask must appear at some point. Fairytales do not come true, and neither do wishes on a star.
But I know, honestly and truly, that they can - and they have.
I have my Disney prince. I dream about our happily ever after. And whilst it scares me slightly that I seem to have been so lucky and perhaps it shall all be taken away from me, a small part of me thinks, this truly is it. That true love thing, the one that Disney princesses manage to bag at the end of each film? It’s real, folks. And isn’t that a remarkable thing?
Genuinely brings a tear to my eye…
Faith
Faith has been a subject that has played on my mind very much over the past couple of weeks, and one which has not always been pleasant to consider as I attempted to ponder a life - both mine and a society-wide concept - which exists without it.
It seems to me an obvious statement to say that everyone believes in something. I once had someone say to me, who themselves were strong Christian believers, that they almost admire atheists for being able to believe in nothing, because nothing is so much less substantial than something. True enough, I would argue. But even when you move aside the more religious connotations of the word “faith”, we do still have beliefs in our own world. We can believe in our own abilities, to carry us through exams and work and stressful situation, or have faith in those with certain qualifications to fill the gaps where we are not able, like doctors or lawyers. We believe in those we love and rely upon, we have faith in the ordinary workings of Nature that we expect as normality.
However, it has to be said that there is a great deal in our lives which seems to shun belief and ridicule faith.
Where once we were a country that placed religion at the very centre of existence, we are now a society which pushes any kind of belief, whether religious or not, to the edges of what is normal, with some attempting to label it “abnormal” and “unnecessary”. We are thrown to both extremities of the belief spectrum, with the unspoken agreement that looking after number one is best and everyone else comes far second elevating belief in oneself to the highest heights of arrogance, whilst at the other end we are fed messages all the time that tell us we are not good enough, not thin enough, not beautiful enough, not talented enough, which sends our self esteem to rock bottom. Where has faith gone? Television programmes, modern fiction, even pure hearsay portray a world where even the closest to us are not worthy of our faith and can betray us in a moment. Sadly, real life events of murder or rape or kidnap only mirror what we may like to imagine is purely exaggeration. We are encouraged not to trust or believe in anyone else.
Once upon a time, our country and countries like ours placed faith at the top of importance. Yes, religious institutes were a mechanism of control, a method for making sure that everyone toed the line with the agreed social boundaries. But it did also offer any of those with faith a refuge, and a solid one at that. The reassurance of a routine of Sunday morning practice, coupled with moral laws which seemed common sense for a good standard of living, gave faith an importance and stretched to communities working together. I am not even considering hundreds of years ago, but back even to when my parents were children. It was a different world then, a world which offered faith a place which had more than just pity to it. It pains me to think that people’s beliefs are scorned on a daily basis by not only ignorant people who probably do not know better, but by those in a position of authority, Richard Dawkins being just one of many examples.
I cannot lie and say that I find faith easy. I do not. I have lived cynically for the past few years, finding fault, finding reasons why belief has no grounding and no place.
But I have also reached the conclusion that without faith, in each other, in perhaps something beyond what we see, in ourselves, then the world is a much sadder and a much darker place.
I do not want to continue living as if faith and belief are just by products. I am not sure exactly where my faith will go, but I intend to give it a place in my life again, because ultimately, it can only be healthier than a refusal to trust in anything.
